Our Nights In

With JB, there's no rushing. No pressure to see the latest gallery opening or to spend half a soggy evening in line to a new bar. 

Maybe it's because he's a near-decade older than me, but the story of our relationship is much more about cosy evenings in getting gently sozzled on wine and doing a puzzle. Just like this evening. I can't imagine anything I'd rather be doing. 

Here we are now

So...long time no see!

It's been a crazy old time, but now, I have to say I'm in one of the best and scariest times of my life. 

I ended things with T. In August last year, I said goodbye to my lover and friends of five years. Hardest thing I have ever done. He was at his sister's house, and as I walked away I saw him standing alone in the kitchen looking at the ceiling. It was dreadful, and I try not to think about it too often because that guilt and pain of saying it is still there, under the surface. Three weeks later we had a picnic for our five year anniversary, and I sobbed in front of him. 

The reason for all of this was that I had fallen hard for JB, and we had spent five months trying to work out whether being together was what we actually wanted. It was a tough decision. He had so many barriers, and had reconciled himself to a single life. He didn't want to be polyamorous, which was a big deal for me, as it meant that I would have to say goodbye to T. I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted at all. To be truthful I couldn't really imagine a life without T in it. 

But I wasn't happy with T, it's true. Our sex life was all over the place and I found it hard to get over the resentment I had developed over the last years. So I made the choice to end things with Thomas and go into a monogamous relationship with JB. Huge fucking change.

I am still with JB now, it's been almost a year. I know I made the right decision and I feel like this is sustainable. In hindsight it would have been good for me to have a break in between relationships, to get my head straight and take care of myself. But JB and I had already been seeing each other at the point that T and I split up, so it made sort of sense to just go on the way we were going. 

I am so happy now. There will be more adventures to come I dare say, so expect more!

S