I won’t pretend like I’ve not had the occasional thought that maybe I have made a terrible mistake, opening my relationship up. It has really made me realise that we all have this huge capacity to feel. Not even love or lust, but all kinds of emotion. I didn’t know I could feel so much!
I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself right now, because for all the excitement I’ve had in March, I am still on my own on a Saturday night, and just as alone as I was a month ago. I’ve had these amazing and surprising connections, and yet I still feel like none of them have really even touched me. I feel no closer to anyone.
That’s actually not true. The reason I keep coming back to, and that reassures me that this wasn’t a fuckup is that I am closer to T than I have ever been. We’ve been able to share much more than I thought was possible at this stage of our relationship.
I just feel sad right now.
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